Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Two Minds About Mother's Day

It isn't difficult for me to be of two minds about anything, since I am a stereotypically confused approaching middle age (slowly, very slowly) recalcitrant authority challenged writer with no dog in this fight. 
Please don't ask me to explain that.
My mother isn't here for Mother's Day this year, nor for any future years. Well, she's not entirely gone, because though she's entirely dead, she'll always be with me, but it's not like I can send her a box of chocolates or some daisies, can I? I'm not even sure I can send her a card, though I do have her current address. I can't visit her on Sunday because she's in Southern California and I'm not, but when I do make it down there I promise Mom, really, I'll stop by for a visit. 
Sometime before I go visit Mom I need to go over to Montana to visit Mom's house and go through some more of her things -- apparently that's my job, so maybe later this month.
So there's that. I am motherless.
Well, that just sounds sad, doesn't it? But no, I say, no! I still have a mother. She's just  moved on to greener pastures. We'll talk on Sunday. 
Last week charming husband said, "We should go out on Mother's Day!"
We go out to eat every Sunday. Or Saturday. Sometimes both. And so us going out to eat on Mother's Day isn't anything we wouldn't do anyway. But since his mother is in Anchorage and therefore not able to go with us, it'd be just us.
Which is how we normally appear in public, so that should work.
If it weren't for the fact that I'd be thinking that everyone would be looking at us and thinking how nice it was that he took his mother out.
I'm told that the age difference isn't that apparent, but of course my friends are going to say that -- they're very good friends after all. And even people who are not yet my friends say that, but I'm certain they're angling to become friends too. And I don't feel like we're in totally different generations -- I've never acted my age, whatever that means.
But there is an age difference, and it is feasible that I could have a son his age, if I'd ever bothered with something like that, but I didn't. And sometimes I may look my age, which is probably nowhere near what you think it is.
Or is it?
The other day we were out looking at new houses, getting an idea of what we wanted when we get around it, and the sales rep turned to us and asked, "Are you planning on children?"
Really? As in, are we planning on seeing them in the streets now and then, should we move into this neighborhood? Are we planning on them coming to the door to sell us cookies/sponsorships/magazine subscriptions/candy? Why, yes, then I suppose so. 
Are we planning on propagating? Do I look like I'm anywhere near the age when that might have been possible? Really?
I laughed and said that I was pretty sure I'd missed that boat.
Still, Mother's Day is coming up, and I'm sure we will go out to eat, and if someone thinks, "How nice of him to take his mother out on Mother's Day," then that's not my problem, is it?
I'm trying to think of what is my problem, and I'm coming up with nothing.  


  1. I got a couple dogs in this fight...um... so to speak. Our boy child, of course, and this new kid who showed up and, well, he might not claim me yet but I'm claiming him.

    We'll avoid restaurants on Sunday, but only because they are crowded. We have that age-gap thing going on too. My husband took to saying "She's not my daughter. She's my Pretty-Young-Thing". (I knew he was kidding, so he's still alive.) It's not a strategy that works for everyone, but it does make them shut-up.

    And my mom is with your mom (not in California...you know what I mean) and my mother-in-law is in Medford which is much like Alaska in that it is not here.

  2. We can't avoid restaurants. For some reason, we've both forgotten how to cook, and if it weren't for restaurants, we'd starve.

    Andrew doesn't like it when I call him my pretty-young-thing. I don't know why.

  3. Perhaps he prefers "Boy Toy".

    We will hit the restaurants early - before the churchies and Mother's Dayers. But then we, like you, do that every Sunday. :)

  4. Strangely enough, he doesn't. He wants to be the grown up in the relationship, and given my inability to be one, it works out pretty well.